Butterfly wings in a broken time
by LightningShades
Summary: As it is my first fanfiction, done in a foreign language to me, I will gladly accept any constructive comments on my strcture and the way I put things, how they can work together even better. So there it is, when Max is at the party, Chloe is nowhere to be seen. I wrote this prior to episode five, but if there are any spoilers, I apologize. Here, we are in Chloe's head. Enjoy!
1. Healing old wounds

'' Hey MadMax.

I know. Weird, huh? Me writing letters when I'm no poet for shit.

Fucking awkward if you ask me. But it's that kind of day. The ''I need to give an actual fuck'' kind of day. Plus I'm high, so hopefully it's gonna be easy to write.

I have a lot of shit to confess, and I hate myself for most of them. You know, my life has been a fucked up mess ever since my dad died and you left.

Sorry I sound so shitty. Truth is, I don't really care. I hated to lose my dad in a car accident. I hated you for moving to Seattle when I needed you here. I hated you for completely vanishing, for abandoning me, even though you said you wouldn't. I hated you for having a family life while my own was drowned by sadness.

My life has been a fucking nightmare without you Max. I couldn't even bring myself to try and move on. So in the end, all I had were my own mistakes, and I made a shitload of them. You saw it first-hand. And when it happened, I felt like some dude waving a gun at me was a fun way to even suck at dying. I just… Well, you hella saved my sorry ass there, sista! But I didn't know it yet. I'm glad you fired that alarm, Max, I surely am.

But back then, in the parking lot, seeing you didn't feel all that good. Well, not because Nathan, but because it was you. You, of all people, that I would drive to my place.

You, and I, in my car. And I was pissed off at you. I hated you even more for being here with me. But I loved you for the same reason: being with me again. Your presence had me more confused than smoking five joints in a row.

You trying to fix your camera, me exchanging my dad's to you for that butterfly picture.

You know the thing. And probably rewound sometimes. Don't lie girl, you did.

I still have your broken camera. And the butterfly picture. In the end, I always kept whatever things you left at my place.

And then, things happened, you told me the truth about your power, Rachel, climate changes. Whatever. It's not what I have in mind.

Damn, I'm brainfried as fuck and it's still hard to put down!

Okay! First, Max Caulfield, I'm using your diary to write this shit, while you're out trying to not find Nathan there. It's taking you so much time too. I read your journal, as a revenge for being so fucking nosy in my room. I don't really care, about my room. I just stole your journal to find clues. But I found more than what I was begging for.

I'm sorry that I was so selfish. Why? Because I thought you would only use your power for myself. I am glad you tried to use it elsewhere. For my father too. Yes, Max, I've read that too. I know that, in another reality, a loving William… That a loving father was taking care of a disabled Chloe Price. Keeping her alive, at all costs.

I know what you did. I know that ending her sufferings with an overdose was a tall one, and you did it anyway. You managed to overcome your broken heart and helped her so she could die at peace with your company. What she told you…

Here's another confession from me, Chloe Price.

That day when I dared you to kiss me… I thought my head was still blazed up by my shit when I did that. I thought that you wouldn't. To be honest, I wished you wouldn't, and I hoped you would at the same time.

And you did. You, the little shy Maxine, kissed me.

No, Max, I am not fearless, as your diary says.

Because when you kissed me, I knew that you were here to bring the best out of me. To help me out of my fucking misery, like you did for Kate and the disabled Chloe. And I thought that… I didn't deserve your help. I didn't deserve your smiles, your careful listening ears for my shattered heart. I didn't deserve your time.

I didn't deserve you, at all. But I still want to thank you for making me feel like I do.

Even that guy, Warren, deserves you more than I do.

But when you kissed me, I hoped and felt so many things at once, even Rachel didn't have that effect on me.

Fuck. Now I'm crying. Don't tell anyone. Chloe Price doesn't cry!

Ok, time to breathe in, Chloe-banana.

Right, I hate myself more now. Double fuck. Come on, Chloe, go on, say it!

Ok. When you kissed me, I was scared shitless. I was seeing butterflies, feeling all fuzzy-happy without my morning smokes…

And I wanted the rest of the world to be gone, just so you could be all mine. No Blackwell, no step-douche, no nothing. Just you and me.

I wanted this moment to be lived a thousand times, and never rewound. I wanted to dare you again, and again, and again, just so I can hate myself a little less each time. I wished this moment would never end, I wanted it to last until our death.

I wanted you, Max. I wanted us.

This morning, you were in an alternate reality, with the Chloe I should be. The brave, kind, honest and loving Chloe. The Chloe who deserved you. The disabled Chloe, who told you exactly what you should've heard from me, the one who shuts her fucking mouth, for all the wrong reasons.

You saved us, Kate, the disabled me and my own self, for all the best reasons.

I love you Max. I love you in a million of different realities, and in each of them, I would die to protect you from harm.

And if I do, please don't rewind. Let us be my last moments.

Thanks Maxine, love forever, your Chloe''


	2. Broken bits of diaries

**A/N: I thought it was time to give you Max's answer to what Chloe had written in her diary. Please note: Max is not upset about Chloe reading through her privacy. In fact, she is quite happy to have gotten a taste of what Chloe actually feels deep in her soul. But Max is also sad. You will see why.**

'' Hey Chloe.

By the time I am writing this, the storm is kicking hard. I am with David, in the Dark Room. Jefferson lies unconscious near the bookshelf. You aren't here.

By the time I am writing this, I am still in shock. The memory still hurts. It still burns like a volcano to see you falling to your death, shot in the head by Jeffersuck. It pains me to know how you ended. Every time I witness your fate, the images stick to my memory like burning scars.

David doesn't know. I did not want to hurt him. I am already broken to bits, nobody else has to feel the same. Not David, not Joyce, not anyone. Not even you. Especially you.

I have read your letter. Such thing actually eased the pain of my bleeding heart. Because I never was totally honest with you either.

Ever since we were kids, I have always been drawn to you. I always looked up to you. I wanted to be as cool, as kind, as loving as you were. And still are. I tried to convince my parents to not move to Seattle because '' I won't get to be with Chloe anymore''. I even asked them if they could leave me with you. They refused.

Ever since we were teens, I had grown more feelings that I chose to ignore once in Seattle. I was alone, crying your father's death and the beginning of five years of solitude. I still am full of remorse for leaving you behind.

Chloe.

Saying, and writing your name is totally the most heartwarming thing to do on this fucking planet. It is with your name that I began and wrote my first poem, it is the thought of your smile that keeps me going. I want to rewind every of your laughers, so I can hear them endlessly.

Chloe is the person that I want to wake up to every day. She is the person I want to see before falling asleep. I want her to be my sunlight in the darkest of my nightmares, and the warmth of my most beautiful dreams. I want her to be my finest accomplishment, the focus of my life, the guardian to our future angels, the strength under all my weaknesses, the reason for my heart to keep beating.

I love you Chloe. I fucking love you to death, darling, and I hate the living shit out of death for taking you away from me like that. I hate that I had to see someone blow a cap to your face and I hate myself for my careless actions that led to your death. I am sorry for every bad things that had ever happened to you after my departure for Seattle.

I will bring you back, Chloe Price, so you can read the answer to your own honesty. I'll bring you back so you can get a chance to know what life really means. What it truly is to love someone so deeply your heart shatters when leaving the place. I'll bring you back so you can wake up to warm hugs and hot kisses every morning.

I love you, and you deserve to live. We deserve each other.

Yours truly (and forever)

Maxoxo.''


	3. Out of this world

''Hey Maxou.

Yeah, it's me again. This thing I wrote when I was actually high on five joints (and confused as fuck) got me to rethink my shit.

Little detail here: I wrote it while we were holed up in my dungeon, you were out talking to my mom… The Chloe who died used your diary. Not me. I used my laptop when we got back.

When you showed me the letter, I completely blew a fuse. Sorry about that, by the way.

Because I wrote the exact same shit on my laptop. You saw it. Same date, same hour, same fucking words.

You let me read your answer.

I'm glad you're not pissed of at me for stealing your diary. But what the fuck Max? You put your ass in danger like that again and I swear I'll make your rewind power useless.

I mean I'm grateful that you saved me, but jeez! How about you don't fucking bleed out first? How about you take care of your mental and physical health first? I'm not a time bomb so I can't protect you from that!

I'm thankful you brought me back, but you had to put yourself in danger and I'm mad because I can't lift this weight from your shoulders. I can't help you for shit!

Maxine, I doubt I'll ever be able to repay this debt. And your answer gave me strong chills. Something to think about.

Right now you're spaced out and there's a monster storm coming in a few hours. I'm writing this in your diary, just to keep the tradition up.

I hope we survive it. And if we do, I'm making you this promise. I'll try my best to make you proud. I'll just do everything I can for you to be safe.

Right now, I'm scared and completely out of this world since you gave me the answer I wanted, but still think I don't deserve.

Fuck. Now I'm all touchy-feely.

Totally the time for me to get out of Arcadumpster. With you, it'll be one hell of an adventure. If you want it, of course. And it'd be a nice way to kick start our new relationship.

There's no Price without Caulfield.

So you better be with me, MaxiSweetie.

K bye. I still love you much!

Chloe''

 **A/N: Don't mind if I do! I decided to keep Chloe's answer short, since, you know… THE STORM IS COMING. Ok… Chloe's still a bit fussed out about what Max had written to her, and since we know Price so much, she likes to be in a hurry. And by the way, I hope the little reference doesn't bug you out, if you can find it :). See you around the chapter!**


	4. Broken, Cold Field

**A/N: This part was the second hardest part to write so far. The first part being Chloe's first letter to Max, of course. I was in a complete loss of words, because when I personally finished the game, it took me ten minutes straight to actually make the final choice. Doing it again in my own fanfiction seems even harder. I do hope you can enjoy it as much as I did writing it. For this part, I'd like to recommend listening to '' True strength'' by John Dreamer. And here we go…**

'' Dear Chloe

I'm in a pretty bad shape right now, to be honest with you.

Earlier this morning, you gave me a choice. You, or us watching the tornado blowing our city completely. Or Arcadia Bay, and leaving you forever.

And stuck in the middle of this, the butterfly picture. The end of our quest, or the beginning of my new life without you.

I'm so selfish. I first made the choice of letting you go. But seeing you in the bathroom, bleeding away of your life… Being with Joyce when she cries over your body, trying to love you back to life…

God Chloe, your mother couldn't let go of you. It was so hard to see her like that.

I have to tell you something about this reality. Your mother kept the butterfly picture for a while. She felt it was special. She asked me why. It was about a month after you died.

I simply told her the truth. I could rewind time (still). And explained everything about what we did in this reality.

And she just stopped me. She gave me back the picture and said that if anyone deserves a second chance at life, it's you. She said that she knew about most of your struggles, but she loved you too much and that your death had been a horrible mistake. An accident, made by a poor child who deserved better than whatever father he was stuck with.

Nathan committed suicide. An overdose.

So your mother asked me to save you, Chloe. She said only to have one request for you: she wants you to be the best you can be, the strongest you can be. No matter what happens during and after the tornado.

So I came back and chose you instead. Please Chloe, forgive me. I couldn't bear a life without you. Every day was a misery to go through alone. I couldn't stand the sight of Joyce caressing your tombstone with tears and flowers every morning before she went to work.

It was hard Chloe. Without you around, Arcadia was just another ghost town with people still living in it.

The people here didn't talk about you like ''the bad girl of Arcadia Bay''. They just said you were an unlucky girl, a ''good girl gone wrong''. They didn't hate you darling. They just wanted you to grow up and out of your anger.

So Chloe, while we seek out for survivors in the ruins of our birthplace, will you ever forgive me the fact that I loved you too much to let you go, and that I probably killed your family for that selfish choice? I doubt you will, but I'm begging anyway. Sorry.

Love

A broken, Cold Field…''


	5. I will shape my life around your love

**A/N: Part 5 came quicker than expected. Chloe is worried about Max, as she herself is having her own breakdown. They are both exhausted, and Chloe is trying her best to help Max and keep the world off the brunette's shoulders. She knows she can't do much, and it is a very frustrating feeling…**

''Max.

I don't know. I really don't. Right now, I feel like a heartless body. I don't know how to deal with myself today. I will forgive you. One day. Trust me, I will.

As of now, I need to swallow this devastation, I need to realise that we just saw what was…is left of the Two Whales. I didn't see my mom's body. Only Warren's. Sorry Max, Warren is dead.

My mom didn't know how weak and sick you become when you use your power, so her request was maybe, huh… legitimate? But so was mine. Sorry that we both had to break you like that.

And no, Max. I won't ask you to use your rewind power ever again. I still think I deserved my death, and will accept it whenever it comes. But for your sake, and your safety, I will not ask you to go back there again.

I see now why my mother tried so hard to keep herself together for all those years. I was beating myself down, being pissed and angry at everyone. She just spent her time cleaning up behind my storms. I didn't want her to be sad. I thought she'd be relieved if I died. You proved me wrong again. Thank you. I'm just mad you had to use your curse to come back and tell me.

Don't be sorry. You had a shitload of reasons to bring us back together. If there's any god or goddess out there, it has to be you. You had to be the one who chose between life and death for me, my father and other people so many times… I don't know how you can manage and keep your head out and clear after all the shit I made you go through.

Between us… I should be the one begging for your forgiveness.

Sorry Max.

I am at a loss of words too. I've been watching over you for a bit now. You're just sleeping on my chest and your soothing breath is the only thing that calms my anger and sorrow. I completely cherish that moment of quiet peace. I will too, in the future, enjoy them all.

So long as you stay with me, little blue…''

''Sorry.

You were having a nightmare, so I stopped writing to cuddle you. I kissed your pale cheeks to calm you down. I also had to use a smoke. Damn, last one I got was yesterday at my house, which of course, is now a story of the past. There's a tree and a bathtub through my bedroom's roof. Not to mention that half the garage fell down, among many other things.

I think I'll stop using drugs from now on. Like weed, I mean. No more ''five joints in a row'' for me. As for cigs, it'll take a little more time. Beer and alcohol no more!

I will honor my mother's request. I'll stop fucking things up and start being who I once wanted to be.

Rachel wanted to be a model.

You want to be a photographer. By the way, I gave a few of you pictures to the local early-medias, those that you took after the storm. Of course, with your copyrights. They want to use them for charity expositions, so I gave them your phone number too. They loved your work. And I truly believe you're the best at photography. Sorry love! I had to!

As for me, I want to be a tattoo artist, but I'll start by finishing school and having a job to pay my grades.

Max, before I forget, there are a few things you have to know. It'll take me some time to forgive you for risking your life again to save me, yes. I love you too much to let you do that and… Well Max, I had to see you puke and bleed for ten minutes or so. I had to let you sleep in my cab for a moment so I could get us some food and find supplies. I got us some clothes, at least.

Rescue teams will arrive shortly. As soon as they arrive, I'm taking you there so they can fix you up. Then we'll see.

Max.

I'm scared now. So fucking scared I might never get the chance to see my family again. I mean, David and my mom. You're part of my life now, I have to count you in. I'll confess some more maybe later. I'm not sure if I am ready for now. But I promise you to never stop trusting and loving you. I promise to shape my life around your love and safety.

Chlo-heart

(I got the munchies now. Laters!)''


	6. Anew

**A/N : I'm baaaaack! No, seriously, writing has been such a pain these last few months. I didn't have enough inspiration,I was sick, my head was sloppy. A lot has happened, you know the drill. I've been having a huge blank. But here we are, with Max's answer to Chloe, finally! And yes, the story will keep going, I don't know how long it'll take though.**

 **Off the hook music playlist : Ed Sheeran – Photograph.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

'' Chloe, darling,

I am so sorry it took me a longer time to write you back.

Thank you for taking me to the hospital. The non-stop nosebleed was indeed a worrying thing.

I know they found your mother. She was badly injured when I saw the medics taking her to the emergencies. Alive, but barely.

You're strong Chloe. I don't think I'd be able to handle it like you do. Taking care of me and your mother, let alone David being messed up enough to die in front of you.

Chloe, I see now that I did the right thing. Bringing you back was well worth the close-to-dying situation. I am happy, just being with you again is so… overwhelming!

You're here again! You're with me! I know it's hard for you. It is for me as well. Thanks for telling me about Warren. We owe him a lot, I'll make sure his parents know that.

But Chloe, we've been places together, and I know you're bothered with something. I know that you're hiding something behind those serious, busy, beautiful eyes of yours. Please, when you are ready, tell me anything, everything about what pierces through your heart like that.

On other note, I've had news from Kate. She is alive and well. She went back to her family, litteraly just hours before the storm kicked in. I feel so relieved that she, you and Joyce made it through.

What worries me are those that I haven't heard from yet.

I also heard that Nathan's family died in the storm, and that his sister is stuck in Brazil because of bullshit her father did a while ago.

Her whole family passed away, and she can't even come back to mourn them, at least until the problem is solved.

Ok, enough with everyone else.

I have a few good news. My parents checked in on me while you were waiting at the ICU for your mother's tests results and stuff. They are taking me back to Seattle for the time being, and they want you to come as well.

Second, medias are nice to me and thanks to you and your smartass move, I already got a huge cut for my photos and they want more. I also came to an agreement with my parents. They offered to help with Joyce's hospitalisation bills and other medical stuff, and I said I would help too.

So we will pay for you and Joyce as long as need be.

Also, they don't know about us yet.

See you in the next letter!

Love,

Maxaroni!''


	7. Somewhere in your heart

**A/N** : **chapter 7 done. I honestly went kind of crazy on this one, and it's not because of the length of the chapter. It is as short and to-the-point as the others. Hopefully you'll enjoy it. Note : reviews aren't solicited but always appreciated. Thank you for keeping up with the story. This one goes to Artzenin, I really am glad that we've been keeping up and working together ever since my adventure started here on fanfiction . net!** **Alright, and there it goes.**

* * *

 **''** Max…

As of now, I'm barely capable of holding it together. I don't want to be a burden for anyone, especially for you and your family. I know, it's harsh to say it like that, but it's exactly how I feel and how it's been since your last letter.

Today, I'm a confused mess. I've had the most wonderful news concerning my mom's health situation, for what little it's worth. The docs are positive she'll make it through, but with her coma and the loss of one of her legs, what's life gonna be like for her?

It's not even been a week since the tornado occurred and I already am exhausted.

I… Don't know! With you around, I feel like I have a purpose, a reason to keep going, like my heart and head want to go a straight line forward, like you are my lifetime goal. But for fuck's sake, I just can't keep a clear mind seeing my mom suffering like that, she's so damn close, yet so far away from me.

It gets only worst when I'm alone, by myself.

 _Max, is there a little candle somewhere in your heart so I can hold on to its warmth and light?_

I know how much energy I've already drained from you. And I'm dumb enough to believe you will help me again, even when you know I will never be able to return such favor.

So much for being Chloe Price, right? I'm downright pathetic. Fucking hella pathetic. Scared shitless, fucked up Chloe Price. Chaotic hypocrite bitch, at your service. Fuck. My. Whole. Damn. Life!

I'm holding on to a life that I want, but don't deserve…

Right now, you're still at the hospital, so is my mom, and I'm alone as fuck in my hotel room. Your parents came to visit me. I wish I could've been more grateful, but it wasn't the case. I was like a ghost trying to possess a robotic version of myself's body.

Why is it so cold, so dark in my heart? Why can't the rain ever stop pouring out of my eyes? Why has my own smile turned itself into an iceberg?

Max, why am I feeling so out of place?

How am I supposed to know right from wrong when I threw away every good things away out of anger? How am I supposed to go forward when the only thing I do is looking backward?

I'm waiting for my own tests results, but what exactly am I expecting from those? What questions will they answer if my own interrogations are as blank and meaningless as I feel now? What if I never knew that I had any questions at all, and that whatever conclusion I get from it, it'll put me on the hanging edge? And if it happens, am I strong enough to cope with it?

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME THESE DAYS?

Max… I'm hella scared.

 _I'll be sleeping alone tonight…_

C.''


End file.
